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1 posts from August 2007

August 16, 2007

Where have you been? (warning-long post)

That's a question that I have been getting a lot lately.  Where are you? or How are things going? Well.....since my last post eons ago, there has been a lot happening.  Many people know that I closed the retail location of my store.  Why you ask?  well......it's a long story. Here is a synopsis:

My ds (darling son) turned 17 last summer.  This, of course, endowed him with the knowledge of all things.  (I am sure that anyone with a teenager has heard, "I know!" ) Well, we (my DH and I) started hearing more and more of that.  I think that all of his teenage wisdom caused him to ignore many of the things that we had taught him: go to school, respect others, stay away from drugs and alcohol. Now since both DH and I worked many hours, both at home and away, ds decided that he could get away with cutting classes, experimenting with drugs and alcohol, and not respecting his parents, teachers, and coaches.   At first, it started off just a little indiscretion here and there.  Unfortunately, it escalated as time went on. 

As a parent, you always want the best for your child: go to college, get a job, start a family (hopefully in that order!).  We had reached a point with ds that finishing his junior year of high school was going to be an unattainable goal.  So what's a parent to do???  That's when the discussion of closing the store started and eventually became  a reality.  How were we as parents going to help our son make the correct decisions?  or at least reasonable ones? What sacrifices were going to be made?  And we couldn't forget about the other teenager living in the house.  How was she going to be affected by all of this?

So the decision was made:  close the store, move whatever was left to the house and move the store completely online.  Easier said than done.  The first couple of weeks I would burst into tears if anyone asked me why I was closing.  As the store went from busy to crazy busy, I actually started to look forward to closing.  Why? I really felt I needed to be home.

Well, to make a long story short, after much conflict, ds left home right before his 18th birthday.  He decided that he would be fine on his own.  Great, I was home and the reason I decided to stay home had walked out our door.  And he still had summer school and his senior year to complete.  At this point I completely withdrew from everyone that was not family or a close friend.  I really wanted to strengthen the family by spending my time with them.  I think I was also depressed.  I felt overwhelming sadness at the loss of contact with my son and also felt that I had failed him.  And I regretted opening the store.  I felt that I should have waited until my kids had moved out before investing all that time into my store.  I also didn't want to see all of my knitting friends as the questions regarding what was happening with my son would always come up.

Now, a couple of agonizing months later, my son has come home.  The sadness that I had felt has gone.  Do I still have regrets?  Of course I do.  I think I always will.  But things are looking up.  The kids start school next week and both are attending.  I am starting to work on my website more and am actually thinking about knitting again. And I am feeling better about sharing what has been happening.  I had been wanting to blog for months, but I think that the feelings were too raw.  I really didn't want to share.  I had so many people asking what was happening, and I didn't want to deal with their questions.  I felt that if I was going to blog, I should let people know what has been happening. 

Now that I have posted this, maybe I will actually be more consistent.  I do have more time to blog.  Since the store is online, I have fewer interruptions and distractions.  We'll see!